My Story Part 3

[This post somehow dissapeared so I had to re-post it today!]

Things seemed to be going alright and then my dad lost his job and things went back to being so hard. I had been having severe back pain for about 2 years and they finally realized after trying everything to stop the pain that my spine was fractured, curved, and had disks out of place that were pinching nerves. This was shocking news. I had to have an extremely risky 4 hour surgery to fix everything. I spent 4 days in the hospital and after a year of recovery, I was finally able to do things normally. I was so lucky to have my mom with me every step of the way. I know I wouldnt have been able to do it without her help and support.
After that, she continued to get worse and they finally told her that they had no more treatment options for her and that he time was limited. She had tried EVERY SINGLE available treatment. Once again, we were devastated. I was 15 at the time and I coulndt believe this was all still happening. Things got so bad so fast. She was no longer the same person and that killed me. Everyday was so scary because you never wanted it to be the day everything changed. I hoped she woud somehow bounce back, but I guess I knew all along that I wouldnt have my mom for much longer.
On January 27th, 2009 I got the call I never expected. My aunt called me and told me that she needed me to come to my house right away and a sick feeling went through me. I got there and I fell to the floor crying. My life had been flipped once again but this time..it seemed like my life was over.
The next few weeks were such a blur. I remember waking up in the mornings thinking it was a terrible dream but then realizing my nightmare was indeed reality.
I'm now 17 years old and have lived without my mother for over 1 year. I don't know how I've survived but I can thank my friends, my family, and some amazing artists who have kept me smiling. I know alot of people dont understand, but people like Honor Society, Jonas Brothers, and Demi Lovato have given me STRENGTH. They make me forget everything and they give me something to look forward to. I go to their shows and everything is right in the world. So to all of you who keep me smiling, thank you times a billion.
The funny thing is, is that no one had any clue that for 6 1/2 years I was going through all of this. I did a speech on Breast Cancer 4 months after my mom passed away and finally shared my own personal story and everyone was shocked. All I heard was "I had no idea." "You are always smiling and so happy" "you always ask other people how theyre doing and help them with their problems"...I guess thats just how I am. I hide my emotions so well and I would rather help others using my own experiences. Im also always told that Im wise beyond my years and that I seem so much older because all ive had to deal with and how i deal with it. I like to think that I can use everything Ive experienced to help others and let them know they can get through anything.



xoxoxo, lindsey <3